Goodbye Phoebe

I lost Phoebe yesterday. Graham’s Mum had her dog over, and I had been warned that the dog would attack cats, but we were all outside together, and I let Phoebes out with us, totally forgetting that I should keep them separate. I just thought it was so beautiful outside, and I wanted her to enjoy the spring air. The dogs attacked Phoebe and her arm got broken badly. I tried to break it up but the dog was too strong. Even Mazda got in on it, following suit with her brother. I was screaming and crying and Phoebe couldn’t get over the fence because they had her cornered. It was so terrible. I can’t get that scene out of my head. How could I have let her out there!? I feel so guilty.

We took her to an emergency vet service but the best thing for her, and kindest, was to let her go peacefully, so we did. Graham was so wonderful the whole day, and even dug through the frozen clay in the backyard to make a little grave for her. He brought out with him a special rock I’d brought home from B.C. (he must have read my mind, it was exactly what I was going to do), and some flowers, and raked the dirt over all nicely and said that we would make a pretty little garden for her there. I’ve never been more sure that this is the man for me. I’m very sad and feel horribly guilty but I know that given the circumstances I made the right decision in letting her go. I love my Phoebes, though, and the house is emptier without her. I can hardly look at the dog right now. Margaret (Graham’s Mum) took Mazda home with her last night so I wouldn’t have to be around her. Phoebe didn’t deserve to have such an awful, scary last day. Otherwise she was perfectly healthy, which made it even harder to decide to let her go to sleep. Graham and I both held her, and each other while she got the injection, and it was really peaceful. I’m sure she knew how much we loved her in her last few moments.

I was so sad to wake up this morning and not see her at the foot of our bed. She always slept with us. She was so pretty, affectionate, and loving. She loved Graham so much, too, and loved to lie on top of him. It’s going to take me awhile to get over this.

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