The other night I was in the bathroom at the Thirsty Monk with a couple of the girls that used to work for me at the arena. The topic came up that I’m going to be 30 soon and one of these girls looked at me half-laughing and said, “You can have a baby, now! That’s all that’s left.” She was kidding, actually, but it’s true that some women do think that way. I mean, if I’m going to have a baby, it had better be within the next few years. Graham and I have both decided that that absolute oldest we want to be is 35 for me, 40 for him. And I’m not really in any hurry to be a mother.
A friend of mine has been trying to have a baby for awhile now, and her mom recently asked her if she and her husband weren’t parents yet because they’re focusing on their careers. I found that interesting because it sort of implies that if a couple decides not to be parents, the only other big priority in their lives can be work. I don’t think this is true at all. What about wanting to focus on their own relationship with each other? Their home? Their friends and other family members? The ability to live comfortably and to have the freedom to experience travel, the ability to change jobs, or move to another city, or continue one’s education (just to scratch the surface).
Maybe some people think it’s selfish to decide to be child-free for reasons like this. On the other hand, I think it can be selfish to have a baby just because you’re reproductively able to do so (and this certainly does NOT apply to the friend I mentioned earlier…I have my neighbours in mind, actually). It isn’t necessarily, for every couple, the next logical step following marriage. And it’s difficult to find other like-minded couples. Who’s to say exactly what our future holds? There could be a family in the future. I am just not willing to make the decision as an alternative to being focused on my career.
