Last night as Graham and I were driving home from Home Depot, I noticed a house with a flag pole out front. The flag was lit up proudly in the darkness with a flood light.
“If I had a flag pole at home this week, I’d fly the flag at half mast,” I said.
“This is really affecting you, isn’t it?” Graham asked me.
He was right.
Back on April 20, 1999 I was working at the Wave on campus at UWO while news of the Columbine shootings aired on the television above the bar. All of us who worked there that day watched intermittently, but I never really paid very close attention to what happened.
Lately I’ve been reading a lot about the Columbine high school shootings, and paying close attention to the details of the Virginia Tech shootings, as well. It’s been difficult to think about much else. I can’t understand the amount of hate these people had inside of them to cause so much suffering. I don’t understand how it can be okay to buy or sell a gun when the only purpose for a gun is to cause injury to another person. If a gun has hurt someone, it has fulfilled its purpose. I don’t know how anyone can buy a gun without carrying around the responsibility for the lives of their peers with them on their conscience. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t born in a country in which I have the right to buy and carry a loaded gun, and in some states, to be permitted to conceal it from those around me.
In public places this week I’ve imagined where I could hide if someone showed up with a gun. I’ve looked at groups of teenagers on the sidewalk and imagined what unique specialness each one of them must carry within them, how precious each of them is to their mother and father. All of the victims of these shootings had such wonderful gifts, and lived their every day lives in ways that are inspirational to those of us who grieve for them. They were intelligent, brave, gifted and talented. I feel so sad for the families and friends who are mourning the loss of these irreplaceable people from their lives.
I’m not going to put much more time into trying to understand that which is not understandable, and instead, participate in the celebration of the lives of those who were lost in these terrible events. I want to turn these emotions into action, and find a way to contribute to my own community in a way that is meaningful. Maybe this is the silver lining to these feelings of helplessness: realize that we truly must live each day to its fullest and spend time with those we care about.
