Last night before falling asleep I browsed through the latest Martha Stewart Living magazine, which arrived in my post office box last week. On the cover, Her Highness is sitting with one of her dogs, surrounded by hand made decorative pillows, a collection of vases or some such in the antique cabinet behind her.
Now, I supported Martha throughout the whole prison ordeal. At the time I thought that the media treated her quite harshly because she was a woman. I continued to subscribe to her magazine, and to Everyday Food, too. Her stuff is really beautiful, and the designs and ideas that are portrayed in her magazine continue to impress me with their creativity. (Where does she get these people?) However, in the last year a lot of the contents seem recycled somehow. She’s been showing off her “Bedford house”, which okay, yes, fine, that’s her right, and lots of people are very interested in seeing how Martha’s house is set up, etc. I’ve eyed up these feature articles with a raised eyebrow, a slight smirk, an audible “Pfft”, if you will. It’s just all so over-the-top LOOK AT ME and I’m not that into it.
This month? Um, yeah, she went a little too far. She’s got a craft room, which, cool, right? Well, if “cool” means your entire attic can be rebuilt to accommodate your five crafting workstations, each set up specifically for one type of craft, then yes, it is cool. And if cool means you have drawer upon drawer of fabrics and glitter and paper, then fuckin’ A! And if it means you have a computer in that craft room featuring customizable embroidery patterns so that you can fire off some napkins to match the centrepiece for dinner tonight, by all means, be my guest. The thing that bothers me about it all though, is that it is just so unattainable for the majority of her readers. It’s like dangling a carrot in front of a hungry, hungry bunny.
So I’m done with Martha’s mag. Sorry, babe. I won’t be renewing my subscription. I mock you, Martha. Openly.
(Is it wrong to admit that I hope it’s going to last until Christmas? Because the Thanksgiving and Christmas issues are so pretty…it’s like crack, I swear.)
I am totally addicted to MSL, too, but had the same feelings about that over the top “craft room”. Sheez, my “craft room” is a metal shelf rack over stuffed hiding in the corner of my home office / kid’s study / game / TV room.
Love you mock mag cover!
I laughed when I read her interview in Wired where she said she had a whole ROOM called a “servery” dedicated to charging electronic devices. Like oh yes, cuz you know, everyone has one of those!
Wired: Any simple ideas for charging devices?
Stewart: I have something called the servery. It’s a room with two long white marble counters on either side and lots of plugs. That’s where everything is — I have my cameras, a lot of batteries, everything.
Oh and she recommends that people just buy an iPod for every room!!
Stewart: I live in an old house with no closets and no built-ins. I hate big cupboards. So, where do you put your stereos and all that stuff? The solution is easy: Put an iPod in each room, like in a drawer. Add wireless speakers and the sound system disappears into the room. It’s so simple, and you don’t have to buy all that crap. You know how many years of crap I had?
Okay I’m going to rush out after work and buy 10 iPods… thanks Martha!!!!!
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/magazine/15-08/ff_howto
Brilliant. Well at least your cat matches the couch. I can’t even pull that off. Maybe I’ll have to pick up where your subscription leaves off. (I’ll let you have the holiday editions first.)
Love the mag cover AND the blog. I used to be down with Marthafocker, too. But, it’s easier to empathize with her when she’s suffering behind bars, if ya call what she experienced suffering.
Anyhoo, nice visitin’ with ya.
I snorted milk out my nose. I like to think that Martha creates all that stuff herself. I like to think she decorates her 10 1/2 foot Xmas tree with homeade decorations and 10 000 lights all by herself. I like to think that she grows all her own food (organically of course) and preserves them all herself and NEVER has to go to the grocery store.
My husband likes to remind me that she has a full staff to do that…and she probably never gets laid because she is so busy LOL
Love your magazine cover. Where can i subscribe? It’s funny that you would write about MS. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my MS phase and how far I’ve fallen since then and I just know there’s a blog post in there somewhere.
I’m going to sk*rt this right now. I swear I hope I’m the first one to do it. THIS IS A RIOT. I’m dying. Hysterical.
YOU ARE THE BOMB.
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Yeah, give me a staff of thousands and a budget of millions and I, too, can have everything that MARTHA has. Total BS – She pretends to appeal to the ‘regular folk’ and yet, her ideals are totally ridiculous. However, I love to dream, so I love her magazine, just ’cause it’s pretty. And I would subscribe to your ‘zine, any day!!!
LOL I’m with you! After this last issue, I sent back my renewal card with “CANCEL – DO NOT RENEW” written in huge black marker!
I will buy the Hallowe’en, Thanksgiving, and Christmas issues off the stand, but only if they look good. The rest of them have been a waste of my time! I’m so tired of going through 25 pages of ads before I even get to the table of contents…
When does the first issue of Getting By hit the stands??
The magazine is “aspirational” not inspirational. It is supposed to give you longing, not hope.
I appreciate all the projects and stuff, but is there ever an admission that more stuff done more perfectly won’t actually make you happier?
Please subscribe me.
Bill me later.
I know I have enough in my bachelor couch cushions.
Ha! I would totally subscribe to your magazine. Martha makes me sad. Somehow, reading her magazine is worse now that I have a ‘house’ and I guess I might try to meet some of her standards.
My attic is dedicated to storing plastic baby junk and boxes and boxes and boxes of baby clothes. Gah. I think of it like insulation …
That magazine cover rocks. John was wondering what the hell I was giggling at so hard over that tears were pouring out of my eyes! Seriously, get a post going over topics for the next issue.
“Turn your Trailer Trash into Trailer Cash!”
(Ok, I don’t even know what that means, but it rhymes and sounds funny.)
24 month subscription to Getting By, please.
Best. Magazine. Cover. Ever.
I think I might need to subscribe to Getting By. Martha Stewart is beautiful, but it used to have more doable crafts (that didn’t require a full craft room and a staff of 40). I agree that it is now mostly “look at my new house” which is pretty boring.
This is a good example of why it’s strange that we tend to look up to actors, athletes, musicians, etc… as role models or just people we admire. They are really unrealistic and produced in a vacuum (real-life constraints keep people from working out all the time, training for sports for many hours each day, purchasing amazing new fashions all the time, hiring make up artists and fashion consultants and the very best hairdressers. We are fascinated by these superhuman people, but it’s generally unhealthy for them to be touted as ideal in certain ways. They don’t reflect anything achievable for the rest of us, and though it may be subtle and not really recognizable, they generate an undercurrent of self-loathing for all us billions of normal folks.
I, for one, admire the most the people who have the least and actually confront life in its most raw and difficult form.
Thanks for this post!
Awesome – I completely feel your pain. There are times when it feels like I simply can not put the Martha Mag down in the store because it looks so enticing. The covers look beautiful, the stories sound so down to earth, the recipes make my mouth water, and I get so pumped up about getting domesticated. Then I get the mag home, read a bit, and I’m saddened that there is no way in my crazy life that I could do all the things shown in just one issue. I get frustrated, and swear that I’m not going to do the same thing to myself next month. Then, the Easter/4th of July/Fall/Thanksgiving/Christmas issue is staring at me in the grocery check out line,and the process renews itself. Damn you Marth!
You are so RIGHT ON! LOL! I love it!!!
Yes….I need to decorate my goddamn servery…would love your mag!
So funny – I was looking at a Martha Stewart book the other day about organizing and there was a photo of her supposedly washing her laundry on an old wasboard – as if!
Love your magazine cover and particularly love the fact that your remote control isn’t in some special little holder over the side of your sofa
Cracks me up! Love the mockup cover . . . maybe you should think about doing a whole issue . . .
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Assertagirl,
Just found your blog and agree on the MSL magazine. I still love her though. Sadly.
…enjoying your blog. :0)
My favorite Martha not living in the real world was in the article pertaining to repainting your home. She advised that you should be sure assign someone to oversee the painters and the movers. Hmm, Martha, do mean someone from my office staff or my household staff? Please be more clear next time.
this really cracked me up. your magazine cover is fantastic. I’d be a good contender for a future issue.
jennie’s last blog post..Hey good lookin’, what you got cookin’
I know this is old, but sometimes I just have to come look at it again to cheer myself up. Still so funny. Also, still waiting for my subscription.
xoxo