There’s no denying it. Lately I’ve felt like there is something missing. Life is a simple flurry of editing work, writing activities, gardening, cooking and cleaning. Once in awhile I meet up with a friend for coffee or lunch. I visit my community garden. We go to the movies. I’m fortunate to be able to travel every once in awhile.
I have a good life. My husband loves me and more than that, he cares for me. We are healthy. Our home is safe and sound. We live in a wonderful part of the world in which opportunity can, and frequently does, knock. I count these blessings daily.
Every once in awhile, though, I feel a strong urge to make a change, and I’m not just talking about painting the living room. I’m constantly looking at real estate listings and job postings, which is ridiculous because I love our house and I love working from home. I wish I could stop doing this to myself…it’s a weird form of emotional torture, this constant imagining that I should be doing something different.
A couple of evenings ago I was puttering about in the back yard in the vegetable garden with my mp3 player on, pulling weeds, straightening plants and tying up tomatoes.
I noticed a lovely little speckled moth flitting around my purple cabbage. It was really pretty, and didn’t seem to notice I was mere inches away. I watched as it fluttered off to find a tastier dinner. As my gaze followed its flight away from the vegetable patch, my eyes fell on my short row of zinnias, brightly coloured and proud-looking blooms that come up to my waist. There, perched on the edge of a vivid pink flower, feasting on the sweet nectar inside was a magnificent monarch butterfly. The monarch stretched its wings open ever so slowly, and then closed them as it dipped its proboscis into the centre of the flower.
I couldn’t help but look at this small scene as a metaphor of some kind, a sign that there is more to come in this life for me. I think maybe one of the big lessons I have to learn in this life is how to stand still, look around and realize that what is here and now is absolutely fine, wonderful in fact. This long and winding road may just lead me right back to where I began. Perhaps it’s okay to keep yearning for something more, even if that “something more” is right here beneath my feet.
This month, participate in Blog the Recession! My usual practice is to use my reader as a jumping point to visiting blog sites, but if you’re addicted to your reader, consider joining in and spreading the love this month, helping to boost the page views of your peers!