Today is one of those days I feel the internet is just exhausting. I know I’m not alone in this sentiment.
Without naming The Incident Which Shall Not Be Named, I just want to say that you shouldn’t mistake my silence on the matter as a lack of opinion or lack of caring. I have opinions. However, the truth of the matter is, I’m a little afraid to share them. And I hate that. (This blog IS called Assertagirl, isn’t it?)
I don’t want to be nervous about expressing my opinion just because it might not be the same as yours. I wouldn’t want you to feel that way, either. I’m just not the kind of writer who can say, “Fuck you, this is what I think and you should bloody well deal with it.” It’s not me. I do feel it’s important to continue to explore these kinds of incidents, though, not in the manner of mudslinging, but as a way to further our understanding of social behaviour on the internet…to continue to build a body of work that looks critically, yet respectfully, at this mode of communication that has changed so many of our lives (usually for the better).
Lately the blogosphere has made me feel all icky and self-conscious for at least part of the day, way too many days in a row, and I need to adjust the amount of time I spend here, I think. I’ll still read, I’ll still post, I’ll still comment, but I may not be around Twitter quite as much as before. It gives everyone such instant gratification, this ability to barf our feelings all over the web (I know, I do it, too). I just don’t think that reading it all, all day long, is really healthy for my mental state. I’ve had more moments in which I second-guess myself, more moments of insecurity than I care to admit to at this point in my life.
I’d much rather spend quality, face-to-face time with ya’ll when I can get it than read snippets of you here and there. You deserve better than a snippet, after all. And the snippets make me worry much more than I should. More than I know it makes sense to.
I don’t particularly enjoy blogging about blogging, so this post feels really lame and I’m already starting to cringe when I haven’t even hit the publish button yet (see? insecure much?), but I just felt like it needed to be said. Last night (Twitter vagina-fest aside) I had a hard time falling asleep with all the internet detritus that was swirling in my head and that’s just nuts. This is just the kind of place where there’s no pleasing everyone…and that’s okay, too.
guess what? I think you are awesome.
flutter’s last blog post..on beating a dead horse
I’m so oblivious to whatever is going on in the Interwebs, and I’m okay with that. I keep hearing these sorts of posts, but I am certainly out of the loop otherwise.
Don’t step back too far, I like you too much for you to go missing.
Kyla’s last blog post..She steals the show, she does.
I’m just not the kind of writer who can say, “Fuck you, this is what I think and you should bloody well deal with it.”
I’m not either. It’s easy to have that kind of bravado when you’re behind a computer — too easy for some, in fact.
Kathy’s last blog post..Technological Karma Stank
I’m SO out of the loop I didn’t even know there was a loop, but I hate that you feel lame, and icky. I have had those feelings many times over the years about being online. I usually have to step away and breathe deeply, dig some dirt, read a good book and try again another day. I know that sounds simplistic, but it works. I hope you feel better:)
Brenda’s last blog post..I Can Always Use Free
This was awesome, Amy. Not lame AT ALL.
Angella’s last blog post..Taters
I think I’m thinking of the same thing. Not sure. If we are, I’ve stayed out of it too, not because I’m scared, but because I have no dog in that fight. I do want to pull out my old shirt from the Angelina/Jennifer days that says Team Jen.
I was team Angie all the way though. So why I have that shirt is beyond me.
Maria’s last blog post..I’m in dire need of your assistance.
I’m out of the loop, too. I don’t know what I missed, but maybe that’s a good thing!
Dana’s last blog post..Fifteen Pounds Gone?
Hugs.
(Selective deafness is a really good trait to nurture, I find …)
mimi’s last blog post..Parenting, it’s all about proud moments
I’m pretty oblivious too, but I know what you’re talking about (a little bit), I get how you feel and I think that ‘selective deafness’ (as mentioned by mimi above me) is the way to go.
mamatulip’s last blog post..Morning has broken
I missed the vagina fest but I hear what your saying. And I get it.
Kimberly’s last blog post..Done
I don’t really know what the hell is going on. I have heard rumour though. And it makes me think of the girls bathroom when I ws in grade twelve.
I’ve been feeling the ick since I got home from BlogHer and find the mindf*ck so overwhelming that I’ve chosen not to join in on the sh*tdisturbing in a public forum. Sometimes I think folks do it drum up number, sometimes I think people are purging their souls, sometimes I think I’m overanalyzing which makes my head spin and that is why I don’t join in. I’m insecure enough as it.
motherbumper’s last blog post..City Mouse
I’ve had blog hangovers a couple of mornings recently, after reading blog crap. You just hang in there. Your blog rocks. What else, really, is there?
Ellie’s last blog post..Weekend 3-Way: sports edition
twitter vagina fest? where was i?
Ha, vagfest was FUNNY! I needed that!
I think you’re wicked!
sam (temptingmama)’s last blog post..Summer Lovin’: We’re Having a Giveway!
I’m still laughing about all that vagina moniker business.
No judgment regarding silence – yours or anyone else’s. Sometimes there’s just nothing to add on either side.
mothergoosemouse’s last blog post..Talk me down?
You said that so well, and that’s exactly why I will stay far, far away from twitter. People don’t understand why I won’t do it, but truth is – do I really need another digital outlet for myself? Really?
Oh my vagina needs its own twitter.
kirida’s last blog post..maybe she’s not that into me
OK so I never read the mommy blogs or the womens blogs from blogher before. I only started like 3 weeks ago more or less and honestly it’s such a negative environment and so much gossip and opinions and people being judgmental and mean that I think I am glad I haven’t read them before. It drains you and makes you not want to follow them or even blog for that matter.
And i agree with you, blogging about blogging and bloggers is soooooooooooooooo lame. It’s like Internet is everything these people have in their lives.
7aki Fadi’s last blog post..EW..An exchange at 7aki’s office
@7aki Fadi, thanks for visiting and for taking the time to comment. I’d like to just clarify that if you re-read my post, I didn’t say that blogging about blogging is lame…I just said that my post “felt” lame to ME. The sites that I read regularly if anything reveal that these people have much more than the Internet in their lives.
I’m sorry that you’ve found in general that the blogs in the BlogHer community constitute a negative environment. I’ve found that to be the exception rather than the rule. The last three weeks have been exceptionally “icky” in some places, but certainly not all. I hope you’ll continue to explore some of the other sites that are part of the network.
I looked at Twitter because all of these sites I enjoy reference it. And it’s somehow connected to Success in cyber space (sponsored blogging). But I don’t get it. I don’t text on my phone, either. When the value of either activity is proven to outweigh my reluctance, lack of skill, incomprehension or other methods of communication, perhaps I’d participate. Meanwhile, I Mom and I blog. Okay that sounds like I’m ancient. Your post reaffirms my decision not to spread myself too thin by trying to be part of it all. But I can’t help but wonder what all those ‘cool’ kids are texting (and Twittering) about…
ML’s last blog post..this one is called…
Yay, this time I don’t know what the H you’re referring to! And that’s great.
I’m with Mimi. I’m all about selective deafness and pretending I’m a mute. It has been difficult lately not to let all the internet drama suck my joy from my soul.
But thankfully, I have peeps like you in real life to restore said joy.
Love you.
Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Not Just a Boob