A few nights ago I popped out to the mall with my friend, Kelly. Kelly’s spouse, Andy, was in our wedding in 2006. They’re great friends, and ever since I met Graham the four of us have spent New Year’s Eve together, having dinner and drinks and playing cards.
Andy and Kelly have been the only remaining couple we know locally who also don’t have children.
Yet.
Andy and Kelly are thrilled to be expecting their first baby this coming April. So when Kelly and I were out shopping last week we found ourselves inevitably in the Old Navy baby section. We especially swooned over little tiny man-shirts like these:
When I got home I told Graham that Kelly and I had been looking at the wee baby things in the mall.
“Uh-oh,” he said. “You want a baby now, don’t you?”
“No…not yet,” I answered.
Not yet.
“Not yet” always seems to be the gut reaction I have to this question.
I want to have a family. I want to have a baby with Graham. It’s just that the thought of acquiring so much profound responsibility for another human being seems like such a daunting task on the best of days.
I love spending time with my friends and their children. Some days I feel like some kind of sociologist doing field research. I watch and listen and try to learn as much as I can about How To Be a Mom, and yet I never feel ready. Not that I expect all of this observation to totally arm me with all the necessary instinct motherhood requires. What if I never feel ready?
I guess my question is, if you are a mother, did you EVER really feel ready to make the leap from Couple to Family? Or did you just hold your breath and JUMP?
We were ready or we were too young to know better! LOL.
Seriously, though, there were a great many things we didn’t know, but we knew we wanted to get married (so we did) and we wanted to start a family (so we did). I don’t regret it for a second. We will still be plenty young when our kids are grown.
Kyla’s last blog post..Freckle face
We waited until we had returned to Toronto and settled back into our old house, and until I had been in my new job for a year. Then it felt like all our ducks were in a row. But the best advice I’ve heard? There will never be a perfect, 100% certain time, so when you feel 75% sure, that’s enough to go for it.
kittenpie’s last blog post..Ubi
Um. Well, I went off the pill and we took a “wait and see approach”. I’m due in May.
Do I feel completely prepared and ready? Oh hell no.
(And as my last post says, I don’t like being pregnant)
Do I want a child? Oh hell yes.
The not feeling ready is just part of the adventure
Nicole’s last blog post..Primer
I had a bee in my bonnet: I was 32, we were getting married, I had a stable job and I knew I wanted a baby, and I had this idea that I was going to have trouble getting pregnant … and we got pregnant on the first month.
I never regretted that.
It took Pynchon a little longer to decide ‘yes’: a couple of months of thinking about it and then one night he came home from being out at the bar late with his buddies and said, “this is the freedom I’m trying to keep? I’m sorta over it. I’m ready to have a kid.”
Of course, it never quite turns out like you imagine it, but we are still, regardless of my post last night, totally thrilled that we did it.
mimi’s last blog post..I need your stories
I kind of didn’t really have time to think about it. The pregnancy was a surprise (or shock lol) and then a week after finding out I was pregnant I found out it was twins (an even bigger shock).
Istill don’t know if I am ready to be a mom, and they are six, lol. I keep thinking to mmyself, who up there, actually trusts me to raise two little people? I do know that it is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. You will be forever changed when you have a child, and I think it is for hte better (in my case anyway)
Kolleen Brunton’s last blog post..October
I felt ready long before it happened.
My advice is, if you know you want a baby – jump in! Because we waited until we had all our ducks lined up, had a lot of problems and now face the stress of wondering whether we will be able to complete the family we’ve started. You never know…
Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Putting a positive spin on the holidays
Around here is it was 1-2-3 jump. And then exactly seven months later Peanut was born.
So there you have it. It was nice that we didn’t have long to ponder it, actually.
b*babbler’s last blog post..O(h)!
In our case, it was sink or swim. I got pregnant on the pill. But honestly? It was the best thing that ever happened, a gift, not an accident.
All I can say is that once you make the jump, you can’t remember what it was like to have a fear of heights.
Good luck!
mrs.chicken’s last blog post..Not My Finest Parenting Moment
We were together quite a while before deciding to try. I’m in my mid-30s (hello, biological clock!), hubby’s in his late 40s. When we finally decided to try, we thought we’d need some time for me to be off the pill. I got pregnant in the month after I stopped taking it. While we were mostly ready, we didn’t expect it so soon. I was just finishing school, so the timing was pretty good. And my son is amazing, so I’m glad we did it. And no, there’s never a 100% perfect time.
becky’s last blog post..Oops? now where was I?
I met my husband later– I was almost 30. We did jump in head first, diving together, and then it took 4 years for me to get pregnant. I always thought it would just happen. I think looking back that yes, it sucked, but it made me appreciate having kids much more because it wasn’t instant. Then I became pregnant like 3 months after having my first one. What the hell was up with that? Then it was 6 years before I had my daughter. It was like a roller coaster of parenting, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s hard to be “ready” for what is SO different for each mom and dad:)
Brenda’s last blog post..Weekend Ramblings of a Mom on the Edge