This morning I tweeted that I had temporarily lost my blogging mojo. A few fleeting blog post topics have occurred to me in recent days but when it came time to writing them down I just…got lost, somehow. It was like I suddenly couldn’t find my way around my WordPress dashboard anymore.
Then this morning I saw a note from Annie, who writes the incredible smart and informative blog, PhD in Parenting, on Twitter, directing her followers to her recent post about her thoughts on BlogHer ads, bottle advertising, and her blog. I learned a lot from her post, including the fact that there is an International Code of Marketing of Breast-Milk Substitutes. I urge you to read her thoughtful post. As I read it, I thought about all of the encounters I’ve had during my pregnancy with the concept of breastfeeding. Some have been funny, inspiring and encouraging, while others have been sad.
Here are just a few of my early encounters with breastfeeding.
At my first doctor’s appointment after our baby was conceived, my family doctor, who is AWESOME and has been providing my prenatal care up to this point (I’ll be seeing an OB for the first time at 32 weeks), ran down a list of questions she asks all of her pregnant patients. Some seemed to be asked for the sake of gathering government statistics. She warned me that some of them might seem surprising, but I should rest assured she asks all of her patients. The questions ranged from, “Does your family support this pregnancy?” to “Is there any physical or emotional abuse taking place in your relationship” to “Are you planning to breastfeed?” I assume that had I answered “no” to the last question, this would have been my doctor’s opportunity to tell me about the benefits of breastfeeding. I was really pleased that these questions were asked. Maybe not all doctors go to the trouble, but it made me feel like the baby and I were in good hands.
…
A few weeks later I was sitting with two of my neighbours, after we had told them that we’re expecting, and one of them asked me if I was going to breastfeed. I told her that was the plan, and the other woman described how she never breastfed her kids, how when she had them, she thought breastfeeding was “gross”, and that even when her newborn son tried latching onto her at the hospital she told the nurse she didn’t understand why he was doing that, and that she didn’t want him to. She said that seeing women breastfeed makes her uncomfortable.
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At our prenatal class, the teacher briefly has mentioned that if we’re planning to breastfeed, we shouldn’t even consider formula as an option. Her thoughts were that if you consider that you might “fail” at breastfeeding, this could end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think that’s good advice, for now. I’m looking forward to learning more about it in our last session following the hospital tour.
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I’ve received two different formula samples in the mail from two different companies. (I must have signed up for some baby-related newsletter somewhere online and this is the result.) So I have these “newborn formula kits” here at the house, but I don’t really want them here. I don’t want to just throw them away, either. I know there are women who won’t or can’t breastfeed for their own personal reasons, and I think that there must be someone out there who can use them. I hate to waste anything. But I kind of feel like if I have the stuff here in the house I might use them, and I really don’t want to.
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Many women have warned me that breastfeeding is going to hurt. At least it will at first. Their advice usually goes something like, “You probably know this already, but it doesn’t always go as easily as you’d think.” So yes, I do realize that it will probably take a few weeks before it gets to be easy. I’m expecting it to be painful at first. And frustrating. And heart-wrenching at times. But hey, maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised.
…
So yes, I am planning to breastfeed. I am planning to pump breastmilk so that Graham can be included in the experience of feeding our child and so that I can be free to leave the house by myself on occasion without having an infant latched onto my breast. I do plan to breastfeed the baby in public places (reading mommyblogs has prepared me somewhat for the challenge that may prove to be). And while there are sure to be some obstacles to the experience, I feel very optimistic about breastfeeding. I’m looking forward to it.
Edited to add: Some good breastfeeding resources have been popping up in the comments, so I thought I’d link to them here.
Kellymom.com: Breastfeeding and Parenting
Reconsidering the 11-Month Wean
When I was pregnant with the Moose, my female boss and coworker told me how gross they thought public BFing was. Another coworker of mine also thought it was "gross."
I'm planning to breastfeed, too, and pump when I have to go back to work. So far the only person who has asked me (other than my doctor) is my semi-crazy La Leche League aunt.
I don't know why people insist on telling pregnant women that breastfeeding is sooooooooooooooo hard and they'll just hate it. My coworker who had her baby in July got so frustrated with all the naysayers. Now she's nursing and it's just fine. Hooray for boobies!
Great post and thank you for directing your readers to mine.
You can drop those formula samples into a Food Bank bin (they have them at all Loblaws stores in Ontario I think). A lot of the formula companies call those kits "Breastfeeding Support Kits". I always say that getting a breastfeeding support kit from a formula company is like getting a vegetarianism support kit from a pig farmer.
This is an idea I just can't understand. Were they trying to discourage you from breastfeeding? Where are these people, these women, who have BREASTS, getting the idea that using breasts to feed babies is gross? Puke is gross. Breastmilk is not.
How long will you be away from work? I'll be off for a year so I think I will try to breastfeed for a year, if possible.
And now I'm seriously thinking about making "Hooray for boobies!" my new tagline.
Nice analogy, Annie! Made me laugh. I'm going to watch for the foodbank bin at our local Loblaws the next time I'm there and bring them in, I think.
I always find it interesting that ads and sample packages from formula companies include information about breastfeeding for new moms. It could be so conflicting for someone who is undecided!
Amy: You might also be interested in my guest post on Canadian Family's blog about the 11 month wean (on mom's weaning to go back to work in Canada): http://www.canadianfamily.ca/blog/familyjewels/gu...
So the Poptart gets breastmilk during the day, straight from the boob (or bottle if I'm out), and a bottle of formula in the evening. My theory on it is, if anything ever happens to me (god forbid), her system has to know how to handle formula. I have a stash of frozen breastmilk, but not that much. We supplemented from day 2 because she was so hungry all the time and my colostrum just wasn't enough for her – the first day she stayed latched for 10 hours straight. I have no problem with supply, in fact it seems overabundant.
I breastfeed in public regularly, without a cover and I have never been told not to or received comments about it. My health authority really promotes breastfeeding and I live in a semi-rural area so maybe that's part of it. Even my classical conservative dad (think old-school European) has no problems with it – he thinks its the greatest thing since sliced bread (or perhaps single-malt scotch). Or maybe its because I live on the west coast and its just more accepted here?
That is a requirement in some cases, i.e. they have to tell you that breast milk is best (just like tobacco companies have to tell you that smoking is dangerous).
Right, which is something that we understand, but I'm imagining a young mom who isn't wise to the ways of the marketing world. I guess I'm beginning to really see what you've been saying today on your site about marketing standards and breastfeeding!
Nice post! I'm definitely a breastfeeding proponent (I nursed both of my kids till they were a year old) but am uncomfortable with/confused by the following:
1) people who never even tried to breastfeed; who think bf is gross, or who just didn't want to be bothered with the "inconvenience" of it.
2) people who are la leche league nazis, pushing breastfeeding in everyone's face and making moms who opt for formula feel shameful. It's fine to have an opinion and feel passionate about it, but not to the point of making others feel badly!
I totally support your decision to pump and let your hubby participate in feeding the baby. It feels great to share the joy, and also gives you much-needed freedom from time to time.
Best wishes to you, your hubs, and to your baby!
Some of my friends cover up, some don't…I'm not sure how I'll want to handle that aspect of it. I don't like the idea of the baby's face being covered up with a blanket. With so many options for nursing bras and nursing tops, nobody should really see anything for more than a second or two, anyway. And if they do? So what?
I had a group of friends and family that were all pregnant at the same time I was. Exactly half successfully breastfed and are still doing so. I whole heartedly agree that you have to know that you will accept no other substitute and share that with the whole nursing staff. Many hospitals will push you to feed the baby formula the first day. They may even want to give him a pacifier ( which is a different suckling technique then nursing)I would suggest making a neat sign to hang on the hospital bassinet , ” breastmilk only”.
Both me and my baby had to learn to nurse. Just One bottle can sabatoge the chances of success. That was the case for the other mothers I new. Your milk may take days to come in and they may tell you it’s best to give him a bottle but ( barring rare circumstances) it will come in and your baby will be fine on the little colostrum he gets. Plus in my case the 72 hours of practiacally continuous nursing those first days really had me off to an excellent start when my body met the demand on day 4.
Definitely, heading over to read now…today is proving to be very educational!
good for you! i think having a positive attitude going into it is key. with my first, i was riddled with breast feeding anxiety. it was a really rough first month for many reasons (he's was sleepy, he was jaundice, he had a poor latch) and my anxiety did not help. with #2, I was totally zen about breastfeeding and it went off without a hitch.
i'm not trying to be judgemental, but i feel so sad for the woman who was completely grossed out at her son trying to latch on at the hospital. breast feeding is certainly a personal decision, but there is nothing gross about it. when breast feeding goes well, it's absolute magic.
I don't get it, either. Breastfeeding to me, seems WAY more convenient than bottle feeding. It's portable, always ready, no equipment required…I'd rather whip out my boob for the baby than pack bottles and other gear ahead of time. There's enough gear to carry with babies as it is!
I agree with you about those who are so pro-breastfeeding that they guilt moms into it. I really believe it is something that should be thoughtfully considered either way. Everyone's different, and due to sheer biology (or other factors), it might just be impossible for some women.
Thanks for your well wishes!
Oh yeah, and I forgot to also add: breastfeeding can be challenging, but so can LOTS of things when you are learning the ropes of babycare. Don't let anyone discourage you from trying it, and you will succeed. Also it helps if you have a family member or a friend who has experience with breastfeeding–people you can really rely on to call for advice, even if it's in the middle of the night. That can make all the difference.
Thanks, jenni. I guess I'm just trying not to have too many expectations because this little guy's personality will certainly factor into things, and who knows what that will be like!
I felt sad for her, too, but also fortunate that I have such an amazing network of friends and readers who are willing to share their experiences and offer their advice!
I agree that some people can go too far in their advocacy of breastfeeding. I don't think it is right to make people feel guilty for using formula. However, I also don't think it is right to use the term Nazi to describe someone like that.
Thanks, jenni. I guess I'm just trying not to have too many expectations because this little guy's personality will certainly factor into things, and who knows what that will be like!
I felt sad for her, too, but also fortunate that I have such an amazing network of friends and readers who are willing to share their experiences and offer their advice!
My step-mom is a nurse and knows a lactation consultant so I've got those two in my back pocket!
I never used a cover. Usually I found I didn't need anything in order to be discreet. But if I did, I just used my ring sling which I almost always had with me anyways!
You will do amazing.
I suggest a nipple shield, especially if you want baby to take both bottle and boobie.
My breasts were sore for three days- cracked bruised nipples- but I just kept applying lanolin and by the time I left the hospital on day three they were just fine. My milk came in on the day 4. Never had supply problems, never had ANY problems.
I breast fed my daughter until she was just over two. It worked great for me and I LOVED it. LOVED IT:) I still miss it, even though she's almost six:)
I don't say this to brag, but to tell you that there ARE great stories out there:) And if I have another, there is no guarantee that it will go as well the next time, but I sure HOPE so
I had to use Google to see what that is, Jess, and I've gotta say, I don't really like the sound of it! Did you use one? Did you like it?
Thanks for sharing your POSITIVE story, Ariel! It makes me feel reassured that things can go well, too.
Nipple shields are a temporarily short-term solution to deal with a specific problem with latching. But they have downsides/risks too. Read this before you consider using one:
http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/wean-shield….
Fair enough. Perhaps "nazi" was too harsh. And by no means did I mean to imply that I think all La Leche League members are this way. Only a few folks I spoke with struck me as being a little too overzealous and judgemental. I apologize for coming across as disrespectful!
Annie you're a wealth of information on this topic! Thank you. (That article is the second link to come up in a Google search for "nipple shield", below a Medela website.)
I gave into pressure with my first baby and didn't breast feed. The second time our son was in the hospital twice and I was so stressed with no help on the breast feeding that I couldn't pump enough to feed him. Finally, third time is a charm. I breastfed my daughter and I'm SOOOO glad. I was the first on both sides of the family to do this. You'd think I was a wild, hippy woman the way they acted. I think each mom has to follow her heart and do what is best for her. Your plan is a good one. You'll be fine:)
I'm so glad you have this attitude. There was time early on with my second when I thought I was going to have to stop breastfeeding and I was distraught. It is such a bonding experience. I ended up giving myself an IV for 5 days just so I could continue. It was totally worth it!
We're all here to support your decision either way. Can I add, just start using lanolin now. It will help.
By the time I got home from our first pediatrician appointment, I had eight full sized cans of formula and a whole bunch of sample sizes. I donated all of it to a local family charity because I felt the same as you – better to just have it out of the house. I had a lot of trouble getting started with the breastfeeding but now we're at almost 6 months and going strong. The single most helpful thing so far has been attending a breastfeeding support group held by a local baby store and a lactation consultant. Seeing other mothers nursing – both successfully and having trouble – makes you feel 100x more comfortable and relaxed about the whole thing.
Very glad to hear that you are giving breastfeeding the attention it deserves!
A few things that might help:
1. Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt, seriously! If you are experiencing more than a "tugging" feeling, then PLEASE get help…when your baby's latched on properly it won't hurt. If you have any pain or problems, before resorting to formula or bottles, please see a good lactation consultant, who is worth her weight in gold! There is also great info at http://www.drjacknewman.com
2. You might want to reconsider pumping and having daddy bottlefeed baby. It's a wonderful idea in theory, but nipple confusion DOES exist, where baby doesn't nurse properly from the breast after using a pacifier or bottle. To minimize problems, you can wait 4 or more weeks before offering a bottle. Daddy can change diapers, snuggle baby, and so on. I would nix nipple shields too as they also cause problems, again, see an LC if you have issues with supply or latch
3. Early nursing IS demanding, but caring for a baby in the first months is demanding regardless of your choices. Nursing can make you sit down and put your feet up, slowing you down a little.
Glad to hear you are planning to nurse in public- your baby has every right to her boobie, as bottle-fed babies have every right to their bottles
You sound like you're getting ready with the best preparation for any new parent: optimism 
Wow, Brenda, you were pressured NOT to breastfeed? You just don't hear that much around here. It's fascinating to hear from someone who has had this kind of experience. I hope your wild hippy woman ways will encourage others in your family to breastfeed! You're right. Every mom has to follow her own heart.
I love how you put that, Amie, "We're all here to support your decision either way." I'm so lucky to have you all!
That's a lot of formula you wound up with (and it's pretty expensive stuff, from what I've seen). I'm glad to hear that things are going well for you at the six month mark. I'll have to have a look around in my baby stuff to see about a lactation group. I know already of a lactation help centre that our hospital runs so there's that, too.
Thanks for your comments, Amy. I've never met a woman who said breastfeeding didn't hurt, at least a little bit, in the beginning. They've always said it was temporary, though. After labour & delivery it can't be that bad, right?!
I was planning to wait until the baby was beyond the four week stage to let Graham feed him.
As far as the pain goes, the sad fact is that so many of us start off with latch issues, so a huge number of women have pain that they don't have to have….with my first I did have some pain and blisters, and lanolin was my best friend for a few weeks. Had I known better I would have gotten some help with latching her one better…this, incidentally, would have meant that she got more milk, easier, and would have made early breastfeeding easier. Since then, I've worked as a doula and offer breastfeeding support, and part of my personal mission is to give moms the easiest, happiest postpartum period possible- I want moms to know that choices to breastfeed and use attachment parenting philosophies can make their lives EASIER, with the right support.
Haha, as far as labour and delivery goes, hopefully you'll be so elated to have baby in your arms and to have "conquered the mountain", so to speak, that you'll feel you can do ANYTHING.
I just gave birth to my 3rd a little over two weeks ago, here's our birth story:
http://ecstaticgoddess.blogspot.com/2009/09/there...
Bravo!
A few things I think are important to know, just so people who might read this might be scared away from bfing:
- It never hurt for me. Not once. Dare I say it was easy? It was easy. Awesome, even. Almost right away. So not everyone has a hard time right out of the gate, and once I admitted this, a lot of others did, too.
- You don't need a nipple shield if you want a baby to take a bottle. That is something that is YOUR preference, and actually, most people I know who used one wished they hadn't. It takes away lot of the ease of breastfeeding, where you can just whip it out anywhere and feed 'em.
- I breastfeed in public all the time. It has never been a challenge. I DO use a cover-up (Bebe Au Lait) just because I think being discreet is the polite way to do it. I get why people are all, just do it! You shouldn't have to cover! But I also get that we live in the real world, and frankly, it makes ME more comfortable, and Sam likes it just fine — she plays with the pattern on it, and it works for us. However, when she gets too big, I'll have no qualms about leaving it behind.
– I've loved breastfeeding from the beginning. Loved it. I did not expect that. People warned me about all the bad things, but no one told me how much I would love it.
I breastfed both of my daughters until they were 2 1/2 or so. I breastfed my first through my pregnancy with #2, and even tandem nursed them for a while.
Yeah, it hurts at first. You will feel frustrated. You will feel incompetent. But you know what? After going through the pain of childbirth, breastfeeding is NOTHING.
It's really only difficult for the first few weeks. If you can get past that, then you'll be able to do it no problem. I think that a lot of women assume that because breastfeeding is what we are supposed to do, that it will come easy. Not always the case. There is a period of adjustment for both mom and baby and sometimes it takes a while to get it right. Just don't give up on yourself! For me, I decided that quitting was NOT an option, and found that once I'd made that decision, it was a lot easier to stick it out through the tough times.
Good luck to you with this. I guarantee that if you stick it out, you will be forever grateful that you did. I know I certainly am.
Oooh, a dude! Thanks for your support.
Thanks for this post! I think you are coming to the table with a really healthy attitude. I have a 7 month old son so these thoughts are all very fresh in my memory. And yes I am breastfeeding! My son was 11lbs at birth and lost almost 2lbs right away. That was in the "red flag" zone so EVERYONE wanted me to supplement with formula. I was so dead set against it that I pumped in between every feeding and nursed pretty much around the clock. It WAS hard and it DID hurt. It was not easy or magical. I don't think it's like that for everyone but that is my story. For ME, it was pretty awful for many weeks. But it was really important to me so I pressed on. I am not telling you this to scare you, but there really seems to be this giant gap between "it's amazing" and "it's gross". There IS gray area and I think many of us fall into that middle ground and that's why we get so frustrated with all the media surrounding the issue because we are "supposed" to feel absolutely one way or the other. I exclusively breastfed my big baby until 5months and now I breastfeed all throughout the day and he gets formula in the evening. We waited a couple weeks to introduce a bottle of breastmilk in the beginning to avoid nipple confusion and we never had an issue. I really wanted to quit many times in the beginning but I was very committed. So, I can TOTALLY see how women who aren't really advocates would want to quit. However, I am SO glad I stuck with it and now that Oscar is eating solids, the formula debate seems insignificant. I plan to breastfeed until at least a year and see what happens. NOW it is a really sweet moment between us throughout the day and I can honestly say I enjoy it. But like all things, it will come to an end and we will have new issues to face. Best of luck to you! The fact that you are thinking so hard about these issues, shows that your child will be in great hands!
Amy, I don't think I'm remotely special here, but so help me, I promise it didn't hurt for me. AT ALL. Not for a second. I loved it almost instantly. I think for some women — many, actually — it does, but don't panic if for you, it doesn't.
And IMO, nipple confusion isn't as common as people think. Most babies I know go from breast to bottle really easily. Just don't wait until after the four to five week mark — do it in that window. The experts at KellyMom will tell you the same thing (and they are a great resource, btw, in their forums, too.)
What CAN really screw things up, though, is a nipple shield — it mimics a bottle, meaning that you're stuck using it on the boob ALL THE TIME. It's really only recommended in specific situations with specific problems — not to make bottle feeding easier.
Dear Amy,
One advise I'd like to give you is to keep away from nurses and doctors who would "just want to help" and present you with a nice baby bottle filled with Formula at the first days… (I don't know how they are in Canada but in France it happens all the time)
Just keep as cool about it all as you can, and don't hesitate to ask for help and advise from friends who breastfed! Someone shuold show you how to hold the baby right as it can avoid a lot of pain. The problem is breastfeeding has been somehow forgotten and we often never saw a woman breastfeeding in our entourage before we get there ourselves.
I breastfed my two boys. It wasn't always easy but when it gets on the track, it is just great!
Good luck and all the best.
The baby wont let me read all the great responses you got but I wanted to say I donated the samples to our centre for teenage mothers. They were happy to get them.
The food bank is a good place for them too, but definitely get them out of your house. You wont need them and you wont remember to donate them once the baby gets here
Nursing Rebecca is one of the highlights of my life. Enjoy!
Jonna, thanks for posting such a positive story…these are the ones that aren't shared very often at all! I hope I love breastfeeding as much as you do.
Wow 2 1/2 years on the boob! That takes committment.
It's the fastest way to get a baby to fall asleep that I've ever encountered…
Andrea, sometimes I think I'm thinking too hard over all of this stuff! So thanks for your kind words.