Bittersweet.
Motherhood is so bittersweet.
I want Nate to grow up so badly, but I also want him to stay exactly the way he is forever.
I want him to go to bed upstairs in his crib so I can have some time to myself in the evening, before eleven o’clock at night, but at the same time I like that he’s just over there, in his swing, snoozing away near us.
I love that I can nourish him with my body but breastfeeding is so emotionally and physically draining that every day, at least once a day, I want to throw in the towel and just feed him formula.
There are so many extra little chores that need to be done every day…stock up the diapers, tidy up the toys, fold and put away the extra load of laundry. All of these things are tiring, but I enjoy doing them just the same.
I love how our lives have been forever changed by the addition of this little person to our family, and yet sometimes I yearn for the simplicity of the past.
And then the guilt comes.
A lactation consultant told me on the phone yesterday that “motherhood is the loneliest job on the planet” and while I understand why she said that, because we all feel that way at some point or another, hearing her say it just made me glad that I have so many friends and family members who support what I’m doing here (really, what Graham and I are doing here). And that’s what makes it possible to just pick up, get on with it, try again tomorrow.
Oh hon! This is so exactly what my experience was. It's okay. Get used to the bitter/sweet of it all. On whole, it really is more sweet than bitter. And he gets CUTER EVERY DAY.
Bitterweet is the right title for this post ~ motherhood *is* both isolating & lonely and also the most never-alone you will ever feel. Sounds like you are doing it just right.
It is true. As much as they canhelp, Daddys can't ever quite understand what we go through just in the first few months of the baby's life (not to mention what we gave to carry the baby for 3/4 of a year!!). It helps to have friends, going through it with you or that have done it in the past, to lean on.
<3
Precious precious, but you will love each stage, Bossy promises!
The highs make it all worthwhile. I really do love him so, so much, even if some days are so, so hard.
Aw, thanks so much! Most days I feel like Nate's my little buddy. Especially when we snuggle up in bed together.
If I didn't have friends with babies I think I'd be really lost! It's one of the reasons I'm glad I waited until I was a bit older to start a family.
How are things going with YOU?
Thank you Bossy!
You are ahead of the game being able to admit this girl! I didn't and swear it only added to the PPD I had with my first born. Oh the isolation of those days..
I have am new to your blog (followed you over from Aiming Low) so have no idea if you are staying home full time or what. If you are seek out a community play group (here in BC Canada we have Family Place(s)). Completely saved my sanity conversing with other new mom's and getting OUT. Unfortunately did not seek one out till son was 3. Those were 3 long years!
Good to hear you have friends with kids. I didn't, was the first (at 26) to marry and reproduce. And then moved to a new city.
What a gorgeous baby!!
Thanks for coming on over from Aiming Low, Amy! I usually work full-time from home but I am off on maternity leave until next January.
A friend of mine actually owns one of those places…I should really get out there to visit!
It is the HARDEST thing you've ever done and ever will do. And yes, it is worth it.
We are all here for you to hear you and understand you.
Yes! I agree with Amy in BC! I've watched a few of my friends have a really hard time admitting to the conflicted feelings, and it made it harder for them. It's great that you can appreciate the reality of the situation.
It is lonely. Lonely in that way that you are never alone. But it is still wonderful.
You really SHOULD.. We lived very close so would aim for a walk there almost every morning. Visit with other mothers, let baby get some stimulation then go home for lunch and baby nap (or so I worked it
Sometimes I would dread it but so good to get out and interact for both you and babe.
Hi! Found you via Aiming Low. You just spoke to my heart in this post. I remember those days. It IS SUCH A LONELY FEELING. I breastfed for 14 months (and got a lot of crap about it but that's another story). almost 3 years later, I still find myself thinking about life pre-tot sometimes. Hang in there…day by day. P.S. Your little bambino is so adorable!
T
I agree that the first year of my first sons life was the most lonely year of my life. It was so hard, I can't even begin to describe it here. But I have recently had my 3rd child and I will say that those first few months don't get any easier, but the loneliness is not as bad. Hugs take care and hang in there.