A step toward sanity.
I’ve been hesitant to write about a recent decision that Graham and I have made about Nate. I think you’ll see why when I get through this post.
Nate has not been a good sleeper. If you’re a regular reader, you already know this, since it’s almost all I’ve been writing about lately.
He is also a very demanding feeder. He’s been nursing about every two hours for the last, oh, I don’t know, month or so. This makes for a very exhausted mommy, a frustrated daddy and a tired and crabby baby. We have not been a very happy family.
A few nights ago Nate was very fussy. It was late, we were very tired (again) and Graham turned to me and said, “Why don’t we give him a little formula?”
I didn’t want to. I had convinced myself that the only thing Nate should be eating was my breast milk.
“I don’t want him to have formula,” I said.
“Why not?” he asked me.
“Because breast milk is the best thing for him and I want to do what is best for him,” I replied tearfully.
And then he asked a question that hadn’t even occurred to me.
“What about you?”
He said he didn’t think I could go on this way, and I agreed.
I have exclusively breastfed Nate for almost four months. And in doing so I may be fulfilling a physiological need, but I’ve also sacrificed HOURS of sleep, time for myself, time with my husband and basically given up any semblance of balance in our lives, all for the sake of nursing our son.
I need to get some of that balance back.
We’ve decided to introduce some formula into Nate’s diet.
The first few days were rocky. He still doesn’t like straight formula, but we’ve been mixing it with breast milk and he likes that. We found the right flow level on a nipple and he had a good, big lunch today and went down for a nap like a good boy, his tummy full.
I finally have realized that I can’t take proper care of Nathan if I don’t take proper care of myself. This is just the first step.
That is a very hard thing for many mom's to understand. Good for you for recognizing it and doing what is best for you and your family!
Thanks, mapsgirl! It took me a few days to accept my limitations but ultimately I do believe I'm doing what's best for all of us.
I had the same struggle when I had my son. I wanted to give him no formula at all and was convinced I could make it a year by pumping at work. My supply started going down and I felt so guilty about the need to suplement. I thought I should be able to provide for him, but the reality was it was stressing me out. I was waking up in the middle of the night, when he was sleeping through the night, to pump so I'd have enough milk for his day feedings. Even his pediatrician told me I was crazy. I lasted 9 months before I had to supplement, but I was so much happier when I finally let go of the guilt. I say some breast milk is better than none. I hope you find a balance and get some rest!
Wow, Kameron. I know how demanding nursing is when I'm at home all the time, I really salute the women who make attempts at pumping exclusively while working full-time.
He's had a good start with these first almost four months of breast milk and I'm proud that I've provided that for him!
GOOD FOR YOU. And don't you let anyone make you feel badly for it, either.
Thanks, Kyla!
good for you for figuring out what works best with your family. I have been exclusively pumping, and lately my supply has dropped like a rock (about 1/2 of what it was before). My guy is 4 months old, and we are going through the freezer milk at a pace that I find hard to believe, so we will be doing formula soon as well.
It's good you had a stash, Sarah! I have had to pump in anticipation of mixing formula and breast milk while he gets used to the change. I'll be glad when I'm done with pumping.
Yes! And don't let anyone tell you that you aren't making the best decision. You and Graham know what is right for your family.
We must have an awesome support network because nobody has had anything even remotely to say to us. Thanks!
Finally! I have been reading your blog thinking how easier your life just might be if you supplemented. You have to take care of yourself and getting up every two hours to feed is not taking care of yourself. You will be a better mom because of this. Good for you!
I appreciate your respect for our situation! We are all happier having had some rest and knowing that Nate's getting enough to eat and more sleep. I DO feel like a better mom. Thanks!
I think you are doing the right thing, the right thing for you and for your baby. I have been having similar issues with my baby. He is refusing the bottle. He nurses so often, and I seem to be only making just enough milk to keep him happy. Not enough to pump any extra. We tried formula but have yet to find a nipple that he will drink from (other than mine). He also uses me as his soother to get to sleep. Initially it was okay but now it is getting to be too much. He wants to literally sleep with my breast in his mouth. So I am starting to try and get him to take a soother (he doesn't like it any more than the bottles). Oh fun times!
"I seem to be only making just enough milk to keep him happy."
I think this is what was going on with us, too. I hope things get easier for you guys!
"I can’t take proper care of Nathan if I don’t take proper care of myself."
Exactly.
I had similar issues where I would basically CRINGE every time I had to feed A. It was painful, it lasted forever, and he was losing weight. I think babies know when their parents are sad, frustrated, angry, whatever. And I think that that likely negates the whole bonding thing that's supposed to be going on. Sure, breastmilk is best, but so is having TWO happy, rested parents. (Think how nice it'll be to poke Graham in the middle of the night and mumble, "YOUR turn!")
Yeah, it's not really surprising that Nate had been super crabby while I was so upset and fatigued. His mood seems much better now.
It's great that Graham enjoys feeding Nate as much as I do, and they get to have that added time together now too!
Good for you. Please don't let anyone make you feel like less of a mother for doing this.
The fact that you realize that you can't be the best parent to him if you don't take care of you is far more valuable to him.
Thanks Minnie! I couldn't agree more.
I had to make the very hard decision at 4 1/2 weeks to stop breastfeeding altogether because it was making me crazy. I was always paranoid that my son wasn't getting enough, and, like you, I was getting NO sleep. Once we switched to formula he started sleeping for 4 hour stretches at night almost immediately. He and I were both happier. The lactation nurse actually said to me, "He doesn't care what is in his stomach." And, think about this – most of the people I know, myself included, were formula fed, and we are fine. This is one of the hardest decisions you will ever make, but once you come to terms with it, you, Nate and Graham will be so happy!
Ahhh, the four hour stretch. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it? And Graham reminded me that both he and I were formula-fed. It's amazing what things we mothers can get fixated on.
Good for you!!! Nate is still getting breast milk, and you're getting more sleep. This is GOOD for both of you!!
You're completely right, you can't take good care of Nate if you don't take good care of yourself!