Wow. 2009 is nearly over. Hours from now it will be 2010. That sounds so much more WAY into the future than 2009 did, doesn’t it? I mean, entire MOVIES have been made about the year 2010.

This is the time of year that the commercials on television shift in focus to weight loss and cessation of smoking aids, exercise equipment and other self-help products. (As if we need an hourly reminder of our vices.) We’re supposed to use this time of year to take stock of our faults and to make promises to ourselves about how we’re going to change over the coming year, when really, very few people are capable of real CHANGE.

I’ve written before about new year’s resolutions, saying back in 2007, “If you aren’t willing to work on changing or improving yourself the whole year round, what’s the point of making list of unachievable, unrealistic statements about how you’re going to change that year, especially if no one is making you accountable for reaching or not reaching those goals?”

I still feel that way. So I’m not going to write a list of things I want to change about myself. Instead, today I’m going to write a list of things I LIKE about myself.

I’ve become a mom! And I’m not too shabby at being Nate’s mother, either. I think it’s okay to say that. Just like it’s okay to admit that being a mother is damn hard work, I’m a firm believer that it’s okay to admit that it’s a job I do well. Even if it’s still only my second month on the job.

I’m proud of the team that Graham and I are now that we are parents. Sure, there are times when I see Graham doing something with Nate that I wouldn’t do, or that I would do differently, but it’s not my place to tell him how to be a father. The two of them need to find their own way together and they are running ahead in that department. Leaping ahead, in fact. I can’t wait to see how their relationship grows as Nate gets older.

We have great relationships with our extended families, and we are making sure that Nate has access to those relationships, too. My mom is planning to move back to Ontario from Alberta this year. It’s so important for Nate to know ALL of his grandparents. He’s really lucky to have so many people who already know and love him and want to watch him grow.

Graham and I have continued to work at creating a home that we are proud of, a place of peace and comfort where we enjoy spending time together as a family, and where we are happy to have friends and family come to visit.

I’m working on continuing to cherish my older friendships and cultivate newer ones. You can’t underestimate the value of friends. Having a great support system around us these past months has proven to be so valuable, not to mention fun.

I’m so happy that I will have this whole coming year off from my job to spend with Nate and figure out how to balance motherhood with the rest of my obligations.

So, there it is. A list I can look back at and see just how blessed we really are. 2009 has thrown some challenges our way, but mostly it’s been damn good to us. I have no doubt that 2010 will be just as wonderful.

Have a safe and happy new year’s eve!

Nate is four weeks old today. I can hardly believe it. This is how it’s going to be, isn’t it? Time is going to go so quickly and soon my little tiny baby boy is going to be gone, replaced by a bigger baby boy, then a toddler, then a kid. It seems impossible to me that someday he won’t be small enough to fit in my arms anymore.

We’ve learned so much this past month about each other, but mostly I think I’ve learned a whole lot about myself and what I am capable of, both physically and emotionally. Friends and family members told me how much I was going to love the baby when he was born, but nothing, nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming love I have inside of me for Nathan. It sneaks up on me at the most surprising times, always there just under the surface, but often showing itself through smiles, laughter and tears of joy.

We’re really getting the feeding down, and I might complain about the lack of sleep or the fact that I can only sleep in little spurts, but mostly I don’t mind it. This small, short-term sacrifice is well worth the gift that we’ve been given. It’s just my job right now to be there for Nate, to comfort and love him and make sure he learns that he can trust us to take care of him. It’s a job that I can do, that I am proud and honoured to do, even in the wee hours of the morning.

I feel like there is someone I should thank for giving Graham and I such a beautiful baby and for making us a family. I don’t know who that someone is, though. I just know that I will forever be grateful and humbled by the opportunity to be a mother. To be a mother to this wonderful little person we created together.

Today is our due date! And as I mentioned on Twitter, this means the baby is officially on borrowed time.

I was pretty crabby yesterday, and for no good reason. I took a moment to remind Graham that in spite of the fact that I was behaving like a royally grouchy four-year-old, I am, in fact, a very happy woman who is in love with him, still, and can’t wait for this family adventure to begin.

My mom is in town now, anxiously awaiting the arrival of her first grandchild. She stayed here with us from Wednesday until Saturday, and I know she was hoping against hope that I’d go into labour while she was staying here. I’m glad that didn’t happen, though. I feel like Graham is the only person I will want to see throughout the entire process of labour and delivery, although I suppose my feelings might change once the contractions kick in.

My last prenatal appointment will be this afternoon. Last week, my doctor said that if I hadn’t yet delivered the baby by today, then at today’s appointment she would book an induction for a week from today, meaning that the longest she’ll let me go over my due date is just one week. I am very hopeful that things will get going on their own this week so I don’t have to add the experience of induction to my birth story.

I hope that the next time I post here I’ll be showing you all a photo of our beautiful new baby boy. Thanks for all your advice, for listening, for cheering me on throughout the last 40 weeks. I’m blessed in so many ways.

It’s official; I’ve joined the ranks of stay-at-home moms. At least, for the next thirteen months or so. True, the baby isn’t actually here yet, but Friday was my last day at work so that made me a stay-at-home mom as of, oh…11:41 Friday morning.

You might be wondering why thirteen months? Seems very specific, doesn’t it?

I get to take that much time away from my full-time job to learn my new full-time job (duh, being a mom) because I have two weeks of 2009 vacation time tacked on at the beginning of my leave and four weeks of 2010 vacation time tacked on at the end. That’s right, upon my return to work next year my company is obligated to pretend like I never left, vacation and benefits-wise, so I will be entitled to take my 2010 vacation before the end of the calendar year. This puts my first official day back to work next year at December 23. HA. Like anybody will be doing any work the week of Christmas. As my supervisor put it, “So basically, we’ll see you January 2, 2011.” From my home office.

During my leave I will be collecting government assistance in the form of employment insurance as income. I do not for one moment feel guilty about this. I’ve been paying into employment insurance in this country since I was fifteen years old. The fact that I’ll be getting some of that back as income to earn while I parent our child is phenomenal. What is even more phenomenal is that my company will be topping up that amount to 95% of my full-time salary for the first 17 weeks I’m off. That takes us pretty much into March without much of a change in salary for me, even though I won’t be working.

I would just like to take a moment to say that I know how awesome this is. I know how fortunate Graham and I are that I will be able to take more than an entire year off from work to stay at home with our son. I appreciate that there are women out there who barely have a chance to heal physically before being required by their employers, the laws of their country or their financial circumstances, to return to working full-time after giving birth. It’s a shame that more countries (cough, cough, ahem, our neighbours to the SOUTH) don’t treat the most important job there is, MOTHERHOOD, with as much respect as Canada does.

Today I am thankful for the life that is growing inside of me,

for the man who loves me unconditionally and has agreed to walk through this life with me,

for wonderful, supportive friends,

for the safety and health of my family members, near and far,

and for the glorious colours of autumn.

Happy Thanksgiving!