A few days ago I went to pick up some things at the grocery store, with Nate in tow. I just pushed him in the stroller…he had fallen asleep in the car and stayed asleep while I looked around the store. When we got to the check-out, a woman got in line behind us. Her cart was overflowing with groceries. With one arm, she placed cans and boxes on the conveyor belt. In the crook of her other arm slept a tiny new baby.

“Would you like some help?” I asked her. She was doing a pretty good job with her one free hand, but if that had been me, I sure would have appreciated the offer.

“Oh, no, that’s okay, I’ve got my mom with me,” she answered. “Otherwise I wouldn’t dream of doing such a big shop with this guy!”

“How old is he?” I asked her.

“Three weeks. What about your baby?” she motioned toward my stroller.

“Four months,” I answered.

I stopped to consider this.

Four months.

It seemed impossible that Nate was ever tiny like the little baby she held. Since he slept that soundly in the middle of a store. Since he was brand new. Since I was a brand new mom. Suddenly I felt so seasoned. I didn’t ask the woman if her baby was her first. Maybe this was her second or third or fourth baby. I realized that I’m not a new mom anymore. I know Nate. I know how to take care of him now, what his routine is, what he likes and doesn’t like, when he needs to sleep and when he needs to eat.

It’s such a good feeling, not just feeling confident as a mother, but the realization that having him, being a mother, has given me the opportunity to continue to learn. Sure, I’m not learning academic lessons, but I’m learning a lot of really important skills, valuable skills that I can continue to put to use for years to come…on the job training, so to speak.

Only with this job, the bonuses don’t arrive on an annual basis. They show up every single day.

It’s official; I’ve joined the ranks of stay-at-home moms. At least, for the next thirteen months or so. True, the baby isn’t actually here yet, but Friday was my last day at work so that made me a stay-at-home mom as of, oh…11:41 Friday morning.

You might be wondering why thirteen months? Seems very specific, doesn’t it?

I get to take that much time away from my full-time job to learn my new full-time job (duh, being a mom) because I have two weeks of 2009 vacation time tacked on at the beginning of my leave and four weeks of 2010 vacation time tacked on at the end. That’s right, upon my return to work next year my company is obligated to pretend like I never left, vacation and benefits-wise, so I will be entitled to take my 2010 vacation before the end of the calendar year. This puts my first official day back to work next year at December 23. HA. Like anybody will be doing any work the week of Christmas. As my supervisor put it, “So basically, we’ll see you January 2, 2011.” From my home office.

During my leave I will be collecting government assistance in the form of employment insurance as income. I do not for one moment feel guilty about this. I’ve been paying into employment insurance in this country since I was fifteen years old. The fact that I’ll be getting some of that back as income to earn while I parent our child is phenomenal. What is even more phenomenal is that my company will be topping up that amount to 95% of my full-time salary for the first 17 weeks I’m off. That takes us pretty much into March without much of a change in salary for me, even though I won’t be working.

I would just like to take a moment to say that I know how awesome this is. I know how fortunate Graham and I are that I will be able to take more than an entire year off from work to stay at home with our son. I appreciate that there are women out there who barely have a chance to heal physically before being required by their employers, the laws of their country or their financial circumstances, to return to working full-time after giving birth. It’s a shame that more countries (cough, cough, ahem, our neighbours to the SOUTH) don’t treat the most important job there is, MOTHERHOOD, with as much respect as Canada does.

Yesterday my department at work had a baby shower for me. Usually when we do a shower for a co-worker it’s a surprise, but it isn’t usually that much of a surprise because the person the shower is being held for will just get invited to a meeting that isn’t really a meeting, after all. Since I work at home, co-ordinating that kind of thing just wouldn’t have worked. You can’t really attend a baby shower via conference call, can you?

Mmm, cake. With icing booties.

The shower was brief but lovely, and I was honestly so touched that the people I work with, regardless of the fact I see them fairly infrequently now, took the time out of their day to eat cake with me and say their congratulations. We got some lovely things for the baby, too, including some receiving blankets that have dinosaurs all over them that I had been looking at recently. Dinosaurs! I love dinosaurs.

Me, looking more tired than I thought I did. What you can’t see is the cake icing I naturally splattered all over my jeans.  Only two more weeks of work to go!

For the last three weeks Graham has been going to Peterborough every day to attend his Basic Carpentry courses.  He’s still an apprentice and before he becomes a journeyman, he has to complete Basic, Intermediate and Advanced training.

I joke around that Graham going to carpentry school would be like me going to gardening school…getting to do something you love every day for eight weeks would be a breeze!  But I give him more credit than that.  I’m sure it isn’t awesome fun to get up early every day and go to school in one’s mid-thirties, sit in a classroom or shop all day and do homework and write tests, but he’s in there and he’s loving it.  He’s good at it.  He got 100% in one of his classes.  Who does that?

He does.

I might not tell you often enough, Graham, but I’m grateful for the sacrifices you’re making in this journey toward your new profession.  I’m so proud of you.

There haven’t been a lot of changes since last Friday, when I was at week 11, except that as I officially near the end of the first trimester, I’m beginning to relax a little more about the health of the baby.  Now that I’ve heard its little heart beating and seen it dancing a jig inside my womb, I feel a lot more confident that everything is going to be okay.

I had one minor gall bladder flare-up this week, and the only thing I ate that day that has been out of the ordinary was a decaf coffee at the local coffee house.  It wasn’t anywhere near as bad as it’s been in the past, though.  Maybe I’m just getting better at tolerating the occasional discomfort.  It’s safe to say I’ve added coffee to the list of things I’ll be staying away from, from now on.  Hopefully I’ll be able to enjoy it again someday.

I was back to work at the restaurant this week after a week and a half off, and it felt good to be back there, earning a little more money so that we can be in good shape when the baby gets here.  I do find that I have to bring a little pile of snacks with me to eat during my shift.  I bring fruit, granola bars and crackers with me.  Most shifts last three to four hours and these days I really can’t wait that long in between meals.  I’ve also noticed that by the end of those three or four hours I’m about ready to drop dead on the restaurant floor.  So short shifts it is!

It’s getting a little bit more difficult to fit into my regular clothes.  I can still get away with wearing regular pants but jeans are another issue altogether…the Bella Band is definitely required with jeans.  I can feel where my uterus has begun to rise up above my pubic bone now, and I’m really looking forward to being able to actually feel the baby’s movements inside.

I intended to add a 12 week tummy shot to the end of this post but well, that just isn’t gonna happen today.  Next week!